P/S: I'm still not over you - Rihanna

Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
And it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother,
how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you


Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you


Excuse me,
I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain after you were gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you


Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you


Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no....
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget


Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

Melbourne!

Yipee!

I've got through! The hospital in Melbourne has accepted me!

But the funny thing is, I am not really happy about it.. I dunno why, I dun feel really that excited.

But still I am looking forward it... I can see myself doing things on my own...

Well, maybe there's too many things to settle before I can really go, so have to keep worry about things.


But still, Melbourne! I'm coming!!!!

Sweet love...

Love is not to forget but to forgive,
not to see but to understand,
not to hear but to listen,
not to let go but to HOLD ON !!!!

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like,
because the one you like will leave you for the one they love


Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of
hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

Who wants to show you
off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her." (sweet...!)



Love is wanting good to come to another person; being concerned and willing to work for another person's benefit.

I'm alright..

I am really alright now...

Sorry to have made you guys worried about me..

But I am strong, yes I am!

Whatever happened, hurt me like crazy.. till I nearly lost my mind! *freak*

But now, I see things more clearly..

Learning things I've learnt before, understand alot more and learning new things too..



I understand noone wants this to happen..
I know that noone expect me to be so hurt, including you.. (i can hide feelings pretty well!)
I learnt to see things your way.. understand what you really want and everything..
But I do know that it's really pretty late to say all these now..

Still I am really so glad that I can find the courage to tell you all that I've told you that night.
I am so glad that we had a "beautiful ending"..
I am so grateful that you are still willing to be in my life, as my close friend..

Whatever it is..
I know life still has to carry on, I need to work towards my own dreams and goals..
But like I've said, I will not give up on you too..
Cause you made me see & learn so much, I have a dream to share with you too..

But the feelings will not be the same now..
Told you before, I am selfish when it comes to love..
I can only want someone whom I know truly loves me,
someone whom I can trust not to let my hand go..

So now is really not the right time..
We still feels for each other but at the same time,
have our insecurities and doubts..

So it is right for us to carry on with life 1st..
we dunno what our future maybe..
Noone knows...
But I do know,
if God ever permits us to be together again one day..
we will cherish each other even more..
Maybe then we will be even more in love..
Maybe one day...

I am still sad.. Yes I am..
So I will wanna keep myself occupied..
But no matter how hard I try, I know you are always on my mind.

I am grateful enough that we are still talking and sharing..

Thank God for that..

I will continue to walk down the path of unknown future myself.. & be strong..

As for the Aussie plan, you know its always part of what I wanna do. The chance is here now. I will give my best and get going. Yes, partly to leave here, partly so I can "escape".. But utimately, I wanna do it for myself. I wanna have that kind of experience of working overseas and see more of life..

So I guess it is not a bad thing afterall that we've broke up.. Its not fair for me to ask you to wait for me while I go.. I know, sometimes, long distance relatinships don't last cause humans do get scared of being alone @ times.

For all these that have happened, I have learnt to see the good and bad about it.

Good, I have the "push" factor to go for my dreams and goals.. I've "grown-up".. I have experienced another love.. I have more to learn about life.. I know what I really want in my life.. I have a clearer understanding of myself.. And I do really love you, no doubt..

Bad, I lost you for now.. no more waking up seeing your face.. no more sharing moments of joy and sadness.. no more "I'll follow you to Aussie.."

But we both know we still care for each other.. still cherish this friendship.. I believe I cannot be too greedy to ask for more..

Everyday, I will still think about you.. Its such a pity.. such a sad love story..

But...

Whatever it will be..

I'll leave it to God..

I am clear of what I want now, I'm glad I realised it before I'm 40!

I will continue to work hard for my dreams and pray hard for that "one day.."

You're still the one I hope I can spend my life with *wink*

P/S: It really helps to know that you still care.. It's really nice to be able to hear from you, especially when you call me.. So do gimme a ring whenever you miss me.. I'll be so glad to hear the "cuppy cake" ringtone again! *wink*

Do take really good care of yourself, okie.. use the hot pack and plasters when your back hurts.. and continue to take your Vit C okie! try sleep early often!

Excuse me...

As you guys know, I'm not in a very stable state of mind now.

Whatever I post here, is my true feelings...

True pure feelings..

May confuse you guys @ some point of time.

Cause I will type whatever my heart tells me to..

So please excuse my grammer, spelling & whatsoever that may confuse you...

Should I stay or should I go?

I'm in a very unstable state now..

I feel numb, confused and believe I'm turning psycho..

I'm scared..

Scared of myself...

"If you really love him, let him go...." the old saying say...

Been there, done that..

Going through a similar situation now, is killing me..

I'm really scared..

Really really scared...

I know you guys care, but I really dunno how to express myself..

The feeling is not what words can describe..

I'm sorry to cause anyone of you to worry..

I'm just not in the right state to express myself now..

It's okay, I know noone may understand how I feel.

I know by going Aussie, I may seems like a coward..

I know bud, you can't bear to see me go..

But I believe I will really need to, if things still remain the same.

I know if I can find my own definition of happiness there, I may not come back.

I know I am selfish if I really do that.

But I have enough of being misunderstand by people I loved & love..

Seeing them walked & walking out of my life..

I really can see myself going into depression, severe depression.

I seek for understanding, pals..

Please understand...

I have reached the point where I can walk & trip many times a day.. Choke on the water I drink often... Tremble when I talk.. Keep my vision on the ground so I may not happen to see him and his new-found.. Seeking pills so I can sleep before my pillow gets wet.. Getting bruises without myself knowing how..

It's really scary.. I know, that's why I'm so scared too..

I never know I can feel like this again..

But I still thank God, cause He made me realised that this time, I did truly love again..

Though I know things may not work out,but I do know..

I won't leave without telling him how I really feel..

How much he means to me..

And many many more...

I cannot live with such regrets anymore..

P/S: "Remember you told me that you met this pretty young mum @ your workplace before? The girl was so happy when she told you that she love her hubby alot, alot, alot? Well, do you also know that @ that moment, I can see myself doing that, with you by my side? =) I didn't dare to do it cause I'm worried that you may scold me 'mad'..."

I'm such a failure...

I'm so useless...

I told myself to let you go, yet I cannot...

I cannot let you go just like that..

I cannot bare to let you go..

I cannot..

I really need you back badly..

I really thought you need your space, thats why I don't dare to let you know how I feel all these while.

I really love you too much, that I cannot let you just slip away..

I cannot let you just walk out of my life again..

I control the urge to call you everynight cause I'm so worried that you may find me as a pest..

I cannot carry on walking around like a corpse with no feeling anymore..

I cannot control my tears anymore..

I cannot pretend that I'm alright anymore..



I'm such a bloody failure..

I really want you back..

Please come back, baby..

Please..

Before I leave here to change..

Please come back...

I really love you and wanna spend my life with you..

Too Much..

Too much thoughts in my head...

I can't seem to think clearly.

I can't think,
I can't feel,
I can't laugh,
I can't cry..

My heart is numb. Too much for it to take.
One moment I feel hurt, pain, sorrow..
The next moment I cannot feel anything.

Its in my blood to put others before me.
I know I have to stop, but I can't help it.

I can visualize my heart when I cry to sleep.
Brutally tear apart.. with pieces of it falling off.
Tears at the corners of my eyes,
but they never roll down to my cheeks,
till I lay down on my bed.

Flashes of your face keep haunting me.
The temptation of walking down the memory lane is so high..
I give in.

I saw tears in your eyes on that Sunday evening..
That moment I wanna hug you close and never wanna let you go.
That night I said, "I'm yours".. with all my heart, I meant it.

Those days we tease each other..
Those intimate moments, I never forget..
All the time I'm yours.
Never wanna let you go.

The miles of road we covered by feet..
The jokes we cracked..
The laughters that we shared..
The cockroaches that made me screamed and you laughing at me..
Never forget...

Those rainy nights when I told you I was scared,

You held me close and cuddled me to sleep..

That I will never forget..

Those late nights of WorldCup madness..
I never feel tired, cause I was with you.
The joy of spending time with you was all that matters to me.

The movies we watched..
From sweet love romances to scary nail-biting horrors..
I never forget how we would hug each other throughout the shows..
Be it in the cinemas or in the comfortable bed of yours..

Those dates we had..
Before we were together till we were apart..
The time having you just by my side,
is more than I can ask for.

Even walking up the stairs at your place..
You always love to smack my butt..
I said," I hate it"
but deep in my heart, I smiled,
thats because I know you loved me.

On July 7th..
That Friday night..
I'll never forget..
That very night, you came over
hugged me tight and said "I love you"
That very moment, I cried.
I want the time to stop then..
In your embrace, I feel so loved once again.
That was the very night, I gave my whole heart to you.
Forsaking everything else.
Believing you will never let me go.


You led me out of my "shell", without you, yourself knowing.
The walls were down and I gave my everything.
I know you did many things for me, that were never for others before.
I am grateful for that. Thank you.

The fights we had, I remembered.
Through the fights I see things your point of views in life.
I was hurt but I know you meant good.
I felt more loved by you.

August 29th..
You said its too late..
You're too tired to try again.
You let go of my hand.
You left my heart bleed so much.

Though the time we were together isn't very long..

Wasn't long enough for me to prove my love and true feelings..

Not enough for me to show you how much you've changed me...

But it's long enough for me to love you so deep..

I tried hard to put up a strong front.
I know I did pretty well.
Noone knows the hurt is so deep,
I even managed to fool myself @ times.
Maybe because I thought I am still special to you,
and maybe one day we can get back together again.

You were still there when I need a listening ear.
But I know I didn't do a good job to be yours.
I never seems to manage to make you laugh anymore.
And that hurts me even more.

I closed my heart and refused to feel.
Refused to spend time alone till I can just fall and sleep.
I keep my schedule packed.
Doing things that will keep myself missing you.

But I know I am just fooling myself.
Cause I really love you.
I don't dare to call you every now and then.
I don't dare to tell you how badly I miss you..
I don't dare to tell you or anybody else,
how I really feel towards you.

I carry on my life without thinking who else I will meet, or will I find someone new.
Cause deep down in my heart,I know I still love you alot and I pray that you will come back to me.
I want you back badly..
But I know, if I can never give you the happiness you're looking for,
I should let go.

Thats my true feelings..
Thats the struggle I have in my heart all these while..
Thats why I don't dare to be alone @ nights.
That is why I keep my heart closed so I won't feel.

I can't let you go..
Cause I really love you..
Yet I know if what I give is not what you are looking for.
I should let you go..

I know I may never hear your voice again..
Cause it hurts even more to know you get over me so fast, because you thought I've move on..(!!)
I wanna know that you are fine..
I wanna know that you will be truly happy..
But it will hurt me even more to know..

I can't choose which way to go..
cause both ways will hurt me.

But because I know you will be bother if I stay on..
You won't be able to carry on..
My presence will get into your way of being with her.

I will go..
Somewhere that noone will know about us.
Somewhere noone will know why I cry.
Somewhere I can be alone.
I know I have no control over things here..
It's too much for me to bear..
Too much for my heart to take them..
Too much..


I truly wish you all the best in your everything..
Your $$, your career..
I wish I can stay to hear more..

I wish you all the best with her too..
cause I want you to be truly happy..
but I can't stay to know..
Its killing me..

I am not being kind to say or to do such things..
I know I am not prefect.
But I always believe its better to get myself hurt than to hurt others in any ways.

Take care, my close friend...
I just pray that as days go by,
you'll still remember those days when I'm yours truly...

Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente

Every time i think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find
Living a life that i can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that i can't say

I feel fine and i feel good
I feel like i never should
Whenever i get this way, i just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if i hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what we're meant to be
Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that i can't say

I am not your maid!

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

I am not your maid.

too much thoughts...

Too busy with everything...

Packed my everyday with work, grandparents, friends....

Maybe it's time to have sometime alone..

Like a friend said, "give yourself some time to feel..."

ohh... WTF..

I can't feel. What and how should I be feeling?!

bad..

"His heart is pretty bad...", this sentence keep repesting over and over again in my head.

"Be prepared that his heart may cause him problem again and that he may need to be admitted again."

Grandpa still looks good to me. He is eating well, just abit lazy and refused to go for walks.

I can't feel much. No tears, no thoughts. Maybe thats what they called it, denial stage.

I dunno where my feelings and thoughts are now. Just nowhere near me.

I just want grandpa to go home..

Soon..

Who am I?

Just did another character quiz...



You are a person who is willing to share.
Any friends that came along, you will accept and trust them completely.
What you want in your life is half fulfilled.
You are weak in your life and tends to be fragile.
You have high sex drive.
You have a few good friends in your life.
Your last relationship is not a good one and is not memorable to you.
Even when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.
You have an average ego.
A humble personality is in you.
You get average bond with your friends.
Your partner is pure and good in your heart.
Your partner is a very homely and humble person.
You seek your partner whenever you are met with problems.