I try - Macy Gray

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I will survive..

Yes, I'm not alright.
Yes, I am very very upset.
Yes, it hurts alot.
Yes, I lost faith with myself.
Yes, I wanna go back to my "comfort shell".
Yes, I cried alot about it, and I know I'll still cry about it.
Yes, I dunno when I'll be okie.
Yes, I know you guys care.
Yes, I know it's not easy for me to give my heart away just like that @ the 1st place, but I did it!
Yes, I don't feel like talking about it.
Yes, I will be feeling very very down these few days, and for God knows how long.

But, I know I will survive.

No More

No more " I love you.."

No more " I miss you.."

No more morning kisses..

No more goodnight kisses...

All alone again..

I'm sooo tired. I admit my defeat. I'm sorry...

SIA interview

Staff: "Sorry, how tall are you?"

Moi: "158."

Staff: "Come. Let's take your height."

Moi followed her..

Staff: "Sorry.. err.. I think you're only 157."

Turned to my friend, "sorry.. I can go home now.." yawnz..

Jer: "WTF? thats like only 1 cm lor! that two girls in front of us also about your height mah!"

Ray: "hahahahaha!"

Moi: "I think they are taller than me by 1 cm lor.."

Ray: "HAHAHA!"

Jer: "Wah lau.."

I need a miracle!!!

I need a miracle to happen!!

I need a driving license fast!!

I need the $$$ for the lessons!!

I need a miracle!!

A MIRACLE!!

Actions speak louder than words

Yah, we heard this so often. But still at times I'll ask myself, "is that so?"

Words are cheap. Whenever I said this, people around me will nod their heads and agreed. But are words really that cheap?

If words are really cheap, then why do people still wanna say,"I promise....."
If words are cheap, then why do people still say, "Yes, I do..."

Actions? People do did things which in the end of the day, they might not even know why they did them.

I burnt my friend's leg hair the other day. To think back, I don't even know why I did that at the first place.. Sorry, dude..

I believe "Actions speak louder than words" can only mean when the person knows what he/she is saying and put them into actions. And not just judging on their words or actions only. You have to put both together.

For example, a guy treat a girl very well. Send her flowers when she's feeling down. Treat her dinners every now and then. Fetch her home from work. But if the guy never ever say, "hey girl, I like you alot..." Does that mean the guy is interested in the girl? Or just treating the girl as a very good friend or even, maybe, a sister that he never had?

Or, when a girl told a guy, "hey boy, I like you alot..." but the girl never bother about the guy. Never calls him unless he calls her. Never try to date the guy out. Does that mean that the girl never like the guy? Or she's just too shy to do anything?

So do actions still speaks louder than words? I doubt so. To me, I believe to see and to hear both. If a guy shower me with extra attention, I won't think that the guy is interested in me unless he says so. And if I would to say I like a guy, I may show him a little more attention or I may not, cause I'm shy. But that does not mean I don't mean what I said.

So to me, actions don't always speak louder than words and words are not always cheap.

Singapore girls vs Malaysia girls

Yes, I know its a very sensitive issue, but I just can't take it anymore.

Mr. EX policeman been talking about this till I can't take it.. And today he talked about it AGAIN over dinner!

I would laughed it off in the past when my guy friends pass the remark, "M'sia girls are better. They are more loyal and faithful than S'pore girls."

But now, my guy friends are taking up to another level!

"S'pore girls are more materialistic than M'sia girls. M'sia girls are more down-to-earth."

HELLO!!!!!

Okie, before I start biting heads off here, lemme just clarify some things.

1) I have lots of M'sian relatives. My grandma's sibilings are mostly M'sian and most of them are still living in M'sia.
2) My mum is a M'sian, so is my aunt and uncle (her sibilings).
3) And yes, I'm still living under the same roof with them.

Alright, back to the topic.

Not ALL S'pore girls are materialistic!
Not ALL M'sia girls are down-to-earth!

I'm so sorry that you, Mr. EX policeman, that you met some local girls that are so-called materialistic.

Local girls that told you, guys must own a car in order to win their hearts and etc.
Local girls who said, they want their boyfriends to drive them around. Send them to work and fetch them after work.
Local girls who said that it is so sweeeet for guys who are able to appear @ their doorsteps as a surprise! even though its like 4am in the morning, just to pass them EyeMore cause the princess complained of eye pain earlier over the phone. (& that those guys who are able to do that cause they DRIVE and own a CAR!)

Ahem...

And you happened to meet M'sia girls who are "brave" enough to leave their homes and come to S'pore to work. And that they appeared to be more down-to-earth to you.



Now, my say:

Not ALL S'pore girls want a boyfriend who "die-die" also must own a car! Yes, I do agree that it is a bonus if your boyfriend drives BUT in a relationship, a car does NOT mean everything! So what if your boyfriend owns a bloody beautiful modified WRX STI when the only chance you got to sit in it, is when he wants you to help vaccum its interior?!

And what's the big deal if a guy has a fucking good career that earns big bucks but the only time you get to see your guy, is only after you wake up almost every morning and find him still sleeping after the previous night of "entertaining clients" or "overtime work"?!

And delivering a bottle of EyeMore @ 4am because princess' eye hurts? Hello! Not ALL girls will entertain that! UNLESS the girl is interested in that guy too. And this apply to any girls, NOT just S'pore girls! And for Christ's sake, if that guy drives and do that, yes, it's sweet of him. BUT if that guy doesn't drive, yet willing to take a cab from East to West, just to pass princess the EyeMore, I personally think that it's even sweeter!!

M'sia girls are "brave" enough to leave homes and come to S'pore to work? Err... S'pore is not very far from M'sia leh.. You don't have to take a flight in order to reach M'sia from here. Just have to cross the Causeway...

Yes, they're brave in some ways but that doesn't mean they are better than S'pore girls. There are S'pore girls who are daring enough to leave the Safe City and work in other countries. In fact, I do know a lady who left S'pore to work in Sri Lanka, Vietnam and on Crusie ships before! All by herself! That is what I will call "BRAVE"!

And everyone is looking for a better life, regardless sex or race or whatever. Everyone wants a better life. How good they want their life to be depends on individuals. We CANNOT judge them on that. If we do, then M'sai girls who come to S'pore and work are materialistic too, and so are those who choose to marry S'pore men!

In my personal opinion, I think you, Mr EX policeman, are not confident of yourself. You ought to learn to love yourself more. Love your height, your career, your status and your own identity. Then maybe you will be able to wake up your "KUKU" ideas!

This is also apply to the rest of you who think that M'sia girls are BETTER than S'pore girls!!!


Phew! Now I feel soooooooo much more better....





Bud, this is for you too.. feel better? ha!

jokes of the day

bud: "hey, ask that guy where's the nearest ATM. he's so free, playing with his handphone."

sweetpoison: " hi, sorry.. where's the ATM?"

big-eyed abang: "go straight... (rolled his big eyes!) and turn right."

bud: "hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!"

sweetpoison: " thanks.. " ......

===================================================

bud: " hey, how many packets of ciggies you buying?"

sweetpoison: " one."

bud: "okie, i'll buy one more for my dad."

sweetpoison: "okie." (took the ciggies and dumped it in her bag) damn.. if i'll get caught, half of the toots are yours..."

bud:"hahahahha!!"

===================================================

sweetpoison: "how much is one bubble gum?"

abang: "20sens."

sweetpoison: "one big box?"

abang: "$4.50."

sweetpoison: "do you think it'll be a joke if you see The Straits Times tmr, with me on it for being caught smuggling a box of chewie?"

bud: "hahahahahahaha!! yes!"

sweetpoison: "...."

===================================================

at the custom..

sweetpoison: "if i get caught, i'll act retarded and say, 'i dunno.. jiejie bring me here..' (act retarded)"

bud: "hahahahahha! swee..."

The one that got away (Mark J. Macapagal)

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something.

There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you have become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be"the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."


===================================================================

This story encourages me few years back. I dunno if anyone of you ever had this feeling..
Anyway, hope this story will help you guys like how it helps me!!

God bless!

broke

No job..

Birthdays coming...

Baby shower...

Grandpa's medications...

Snow's vacinations due...

Bills keep coming in...

Debts unclear...

Friend not returning $$..

Savings running super low...

Damnit!

I still can't believe that grandpa's medications costs me $ 600++!!!

Helen The Baby Fox

After much pestering, Baby @ last gave in.. Hahaha! We watched the show early this week.

I am a sucker for these kind of movie. "Eight and below", "The Quill" & now, "Helen The Baby Fox".

The animals. They taught us plenty of things..

Things that we taught we knew but the fact is we don't.

Helen is the baby fox. A fighter. For some reasons, she is being abandoned by her own mother.

Taichi is the cute little boy who found Helen and kept her with him.

The love and bond shared between them is really very touching.

Yes, I cried. Baby kept turning to look @ my watery eyes. So embarassing. But I can hear others blowing their noses too.. Ha!

It is a lovely show. Very lovely & touching.

Taichi never give up on Helen. Helen, in return, taught Taichi alot of things in life...

Lessons in life that Taichi will never learn in class..

Just like what Snow has taught me...

To be patient.

To be forgiving.

To love unconditionally.

To be committed.

To love like there's no tomorrow.

Never take things/ people for granted.

And things that I'm still waiting for him to share with me...

Yes, we all know these. But how many of us really have them in us?

I know all of these.. But Snow is there to remaind me of all these..

Love. Yah, so what if I can't have others to love me? So what if people wanna isolate me?

Snow is there to remind me that I'm not alone.

Snow is always there to lick my tears away.

Snow is there to remind me, never to take anyone for granted.

Snow is such a darlin' to me..

I really thank God for Snow...

I love you, Snow..

15 things you never knew till you got a pet

1. You have developed a special voice and a whole new language when talking to your pet.

2. You would rather rush home to spend time with your pets than with some humans. I'm guilty for this...

3. You'd kill (or think of killing) anyone who did anything to hurt your precious baby.

4. You wouldn't dream of feeding them anything but the best food you can afford. Thats for sure!! Snow's my baby!!

5. You celebrate their birthdays, complete with a pet-edible cake, singing "Happy Birthday" and taking photographs. Not really.. i dunno when's Snow's birthday...

6. Your shopping trips almost include something special for Rover. Even if you have to sacrifice buying that pair of hoop earrings. Oh yes... That's for sure!

7. You always compare Fluffy to the lookalike pet @ the dog park... And smugly coclude that your darling is cuter. Of course Snow is always the cutest!!!

8. You have no qualms about getting your hands dirty and cleaning up a toilet that isn't yours.

9. Your little one is the first living being you look for and greet when you step into your house at the end of the day. Yup! Snow's the 1st!

10. Everything your pet uses actually costs more than what yours would cost. Freakin' true!!

11. You can only sit on one side of the sofa because the other side now belongs to someone else.

12. You start referring to yourself as your pet's Mum or Dad. Yes! Yes! Yes!

13. Having conversations with complete strangers is now a norm, just to compare notes on what's best for Pooch.

14. If provoked, Kitty will actually swipe coffee mugs off the table! (this incident has actually been documented)

15. Never thought you'd kiss something that isn't huamn? Think again. Oh yes.. I lurve to kiss Snow...

The Time Is Now

If you ever going to love me
Love me now while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow
Love me now while I am living
Do not wait until I am gone
And then have it chiseled in marble
Sweet words on ice-cold stone
If you have tender thoughts of me
Please tell me now
If you wait until I am sleeping
Never will be death between us
And I won't hear you then
So if you love me, even a little bit
Let me know while I am living
So that I can treasure it



I had a hard time picking myself up from that nasty fall..
A fuckin' hard time.. Those who are close to me knew how hard I tried..
As I picked up the courage to walk the new journey now, i tripped and fell a few more times..
Each fall cause my scar to tear apart, bits by bits..
And the recent fall, I got really furstrated with myself..
I teared opened my scar and let my heart bleed.. again..
For I can feel noone cares...
I cried as my heart bled..
It hurt so hard that I can't breathe..
I can't remember how it feels..
How does it feel when the one whom you gave your heart to, say "I love you" and you know its true..
I really can't remember how it feels..
I can't remember when was the last time..
For it has been so long..
I can't be living without love..
I will be a walking corpse..
I feel so insignificant..
So useless..
So worthless...
For so long, only little princess said she loves me on Sunday before she went to BBK.
Thats the only little gesture that perks me up..
I think I should feel contented..
Cause at least I am being loved by snow & princess josh..
Is that really all?



Yes, actions speaks louder than words..
But words are still important..
Words can comfort..
Words can please..
Words can kill too...

Ordinary People - John Legend

Girl, I'm in love with you
The same to honeymoon, pass the infatuation fate
Right in the thick of love
At times we're sick of love
It seems like we aruge everyday
I know I misbehaved
And you made your mistake
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make the things work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
'Cause we're just ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

The same to movie
No fairytale conclusions are
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way
I hang up your call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As all love advances, we take second chances
Though it's not fair to see I still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
'Cause we're just ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you stay, maybe you leave, maybe you return
Maybe in another find, maybe we won't survive
Maybe we'll grow and never know
Baby, you and I
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go, yeah
'Cause we're just ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
'Cause we're just ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow, slow
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Will you?

Will you always be there when I need you?

Will you always be there to hold my hands when I'm feeling scared?

Will you kiss me goodnight everynight?

Will you always be there to hear me bitch?

Will you always be there to lend me your shoulder to cry on?

Will you still say, "you're beautiful..", after 40 years?

Will you always put your jacket over me each time I'm feeling cold?

Will you always hug me tight to sleep everynight?

Will you always call me "my baby" for as long as we are together?

Will you always wake me up with a kiss on my lips?

Will you still smack my butt cheekily 40 years later?

Will you always bring me out for dates? just the two of us?

Will you always call me everyday to see if I have taken my meals?

Will you still wanna hold my hands, 40 years later?

Will you always be there to pick me up each time I fall?

Will you always be there as my pillar of strength?

Will you still wanna make me laugh, 40 years later?

Will you always give me a good backrub each time I have backache?

Will you still say that, "i'm yours", 40 years later?

Will you always be there to share my dreams?

Will you always be there to share my sorrows?

Will you always be there to smile with me each time I smile?

Will you still find me attractive, after 40 years?

Will you still laugh at my jokes, after 40 years?

Will you always be there to grow old with me?

Will you one day say, "I love you" from the bottom of your heart?





I must have been too bored. I dunno why.. These questions just started racing in my mind..
I'm scared.. I am asking myself these questions.. Am I asking for too much?
I just wanna feel secure. I know I can trust.
But 40 years later?
Will our feelings for each other remain the same as now?

Sorry baby, if I'm freakin' you out...
Guess I better go scrub my toilet tiles now..

Get to know yourself better

(just lookin through bud's blog and found this quiz.. yah, i know i'm bored..)


Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.


The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.


Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.


The seriousness of your love:

You have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.


Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.


The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.


How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.


What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.


Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.