Should I stay or should I go?

I'm in a very unstable state now..

I feel numb, confused and believe I'm turning psycho..

I'm scared..

Scared of myself...

"If you really love him, let him go...." the old saying say...

Been there, done that..

Going through a similar situation now, is killing me..

I'm really scared..

Really really scared...

I know you guys care, but I really dunno how to express myself..

The feeling is not what words can describe..

I'm sorry to cause anyone of you to worry..

I'm just not in the right state to express myself now..

It's okay, I know noone may understand how I feel.

I know by going Aussie, I may seems like a coward..

I know bud, you can't bear to see me go..

But I believe I will really need to, if things still remain the same.

I know if I can find my own definition of happiness there, I may not come back.

I know I am selfish if I really do that.

But I have enough of being misunderstand by people I loved & love..

Seeing them walked & walking out of my life..

I really can see myself going into depression, severe depression.

I seek for understanding, pals..

Please understand...

I have reached the point where I can walk & trip many times a day.. Choke on the water I drink often... Tremble when I talk.. Keep my vision on the ground so I may not happen to see him and his new-found.. Seeking pills so I can sleep before my pillow gets wet.. Getting bruises without myself knowing how..

It's really scary.. I know, that's why I'm so scared too..

I never know I can feel like this again..

But I still thank God, cause He made me realised that this time, I did truly love again..

Though I know things may not work out,but I do know..

I won't leave without telling him how I really feel..

How much he means to me..

And many many more...

I cannot live with such regrets anymore..

P/S: "Remember you told me that you met this pretty young mum @ your workplace before? The girl was so happy when she told you that she love her hubby alot, alot, alot? Well, do you also know that @ that moment, I can see myself doing that, with you by my side? =) I didn't dare to do it cause I'm worried that you may scold me 'mad'..."