The Angel & the Devil

I remember when I was young, I loved to watch Mickey Mouse & Donald Duck cartoons. And whenever Donald Duck cannot make up his mind for something, his angel and his devil would appeared on his shoulders fighting.

I feel the same way at times, especially recently. As I have mentioned earlier in my blog, we broke off. Yes, we are no longer an item. That was went it all started...

As usual, the devil will start his fire.. "fuck it and forget it.. whats there to prove when you have already done your best? he always said he will think it over by himself. now he cant take it anymore then he wanna break up.."

Then angel say, "relax.. you know its a miscommunication.. you thought he's okie, cause he said he will think over it himself. now you got to be patient and try again. dun give up..."

devil scream, "oh fuck it.. try what? haven't you done enough? you are not like this.. if he really loves you, he should accept who you are!! you have done more than what you would in the past!! you would have fuck off long ago! why get yourself hurt again?!"

angel's turn, "well, yes, but you have changed.. you used to be loved. now its your turn to love. you got to be patient. you got to know that you cant have the best of everything. you have to learn how not to be selfish again. learn to give.. you used to give more, you can do it again.."

devil snap, "oh fuck it! fuck it! fuck it! for fuck??!! for fuck? havent you suffered enough? fuck it! you gave, you got nothing in return! you still got hurt! for fuck?!"

my angel make no reply, she got quiet. I was fumming inside.. I dunno how I really feel. Angry? Upset? Unappreciated? But I know, I was hurt.. I feel so stupid. feel like a fool, a really stupid one.

After a few deep breath, I got better control of myself.. fuck you, devil. I'm gonna try again.. I suffer even more by listening to you in the past! I'm not going to do that again!! fuck you!

I chose to follow my angel's advice.. I'm prayin hard that things will turn out well.

And to all my confused friends, I will say, we are not an item. We are working things out. So don't ask anything, I will say when I feel like saying.. just wish me all the best!