sleepless night

Was trying to sleep the other night after finishing a book, Thirty nothing. It was a warm night but can't be bothered to on my air con as it wasn't the main reason why i can't sleep. Maybe it's because i got used to have Baby by my side almost every night. I will cuddle him tight to sleep whenever i got the chance to.

Had some thoughts running through my mind.. My life events.. Events that can make one cry and events that can make one smile..

Seeing Snow sleeping soundly by my side, i hardly dared to move. Just lying there, thinking what have i achieved in my life. Sadly, nothing much.

Remembered the comment Dad said in the evening, when i was carrying Joelyn, my baby cousin. "If you are fortunate enough, you would be carrying your own kid now." Gosh... I nearly fainted @ that moment. Then lying there, i was thinking how old will my kid be if i would have kept him, or maybe it's a her. Thinking of how my life would have changed if i have kept it. Would he be sleeping by my side now? How would he look like? How would his cries sound like? Would he be sucking his thumb everynight when he sleep? I remembered bud said, " it must be a boy cause i keep saying HE.." yup, i thought so too. But then again, life may not be what it's like now if i would have kept it. I remembered how depressed i was. Crying every day & night. Going crazy. Scaring the shit out of those cares for me.

Then i thought of Baby. My new boyfriend. How he changed my life without me, myself knowing. I got myself out of debts with him around. He taught me how to save money. Taught me how to see things in a different way. Taught me how to walk slowly after office hours. Get me back into my blading hobby. Taught me not to get into job hopping and think carefully of what i wanna do out of my life, to follow my dreams. It is a blessing to have him in my life now. & i thank God for him.

Eventually, i fell asleep with a smile on my face that night. Thank God..